Hi! I’m Becky, new to the SAYiT team. I started in October and my job here is Charity Manager. My background has been in HIV support and prevention. As World AIDS Day approaches on 1st December, I thought I’d introduce myself and share something about HIV and my activism.
HIV is a now an easily treatable blood borne virus, but back when it first arrived it was often a death sentence; most people died within two years of contracting the virus. In the UK it was first noticed in the gay male communities and before doctors knew that it was HIV causing these otherwise healthy young men to die, they called it Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome, or AIDS for short.
AIDS did not only affect the gay male community; it did and continues to affect all communities all over the world. There was a lot of hatred and stigma surrounding AIDS and most of this was directed towards the gay male community. Once the HIV virus was discovered, people still stigmatised and discriminated against people living with HIV, and the gay community as a whole. The hangover from this stigma is still with us today and many people living with HIV live in shame and isolation because of the virus. When I was diagnosed with HIV in 2015 I felt the same, until I decided to try and change that by joining HIV activism.
My first bit of HIV activism was actually for SAYiT all the way back in 2016. SAYiT asked me to do a short public speech about stigma in the Winter Garden. I was excited to be asked but I was also very nervous about talking about my HIV status to an audience. At first I tried to write a speech about stigma and keep it neutral and not mention myself at all. However, I realised that me experiencing HIV and living with it gave the best voice to talk about HIV stigma.
I was proud to do this speech, to prove to myself how far I had come in the year since my diagnosis. The year before I had been down, depressed and looking for any escape to get away from thinking about my HIV.
On the day I was mostly excited. I was last on the programme, and four people spoke before me, mostly people who were not living with HIV. I grew more nervous as the time went on. I looked across the crowd of around thirty people and noticed the Fruitbowl groups stood in the audience. I was a secondary school teacher at the time and stood there was one of my former students. They hadn’t seen me yet. The people running the event assured me that if I wanted to back out and not speak because of them (or anyone else), they wouldn’t think less of me. But I knew them and I trusted them not to spread my status about.
I went to the platform, caught the student’s eye and gave them a big smile. They looked shocked. I didn’t look back at them; I may have crumbled! During the speech I was nervous, my voice was shaking, I felt that I touched my hair too much, gestured too much and talked a little bit too fast. But people responded. When I was talking I saw people nodding to what I was saying. They laughed at my small jokes and murmured agreements. When I was finished I got a massive round of applause. SAYiT brought me some flowers and the CEO was moved to tears, a reaction I was not expecting!
Afterwards everyone was telling me how brave I was to talk so openly. It didn’t feel brave, it felt like I was exploiting having HIV and all the help everyone had given me for clout. Mainly I just hoped that I could influence some of the opinions of people listening. The ones who weren’t living with HIV, the young people of Fruitbowl, the ones who came with friends or just stumbled across the vigil and listened to see what was going on. That they would go away from there with fewer stigmas about people with HIV.
I found my student and asked if I could have a word. I said it was nice to see them and I asked how they were, if they were doing ok. With the deepest sincerity in their eyes they looked at me, put their hand on my arm and said “Miss, are you ok?” It was so sweet I laughed to stop myself choking up and said “yeah, I am now”.
On World AIDS Day I take time to remember all the lives lost to the virus, all the families and friends affected by those losses, and I think about all of the people living with HIV today – all 39.9 million of us!
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