LGBT+ Experiences

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Stonewall’s research shows that one in four lesbian and bi women have experienced domestic abuse in a relationship. Two thirds of those say the perpetrator was a woman, a third a man. Stonewall

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Almost half (49%) of all gay and bi men have experienced at least one incident of domestic abuse from a family member or partner since the age of 16. Stonewall

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The Scottish Transgender Alliance indicates that 80% of trans people had experienced emotional, sexual, or physical abuse from a partner or ex-partner.

Throughout the CALL IT OUT project we have been visiting groups and events to hear about LGBT+ people experiences of Domestic Abuse and accessing services.

Below are a selection of some of the things people have told us:

“I wish I’d know about them (Galop) before. I recently left a nine year abusive relationship and I never accessed any services because I didn’t know there was anything for (gay/bi) men.”

“My partner used my transition as a means of controlling me. They threatened to burn all my paperwork from the Gender Identity Service if I didn’t come home at an agreed time. I had to keep my paperwork with my when I left the house. It got so bad that I couldn’t live there anymore. After I left they sent me threatening messages on my phone which I had to block. They then continued to send threatening messages via other people’s phones.”

“Services need to be more supportive of male victims. We are told growing up that masculinity = strength. As a victim of domestic violence it is also felt as an attack on our masculinity, that we are weak and that is not what a man should be. Services need to recognise that and how much it has taken for us to contact them. We need to be supported and not be made to feel weak or liars.”

“Internalised transphobia means that you have a sense of yourself being a low status person – and this makes you more likely to accept abusive behaviour.”

“Domestic abuse services always show the same images, the crying woman cowering away from the man with the clenched fist. Why would we think the services are for us when we’re not shown in their images? We need to be represented.”

“There needs to be clearer messages that domestic abuse can affect anyone and be perpetrated by anyone, regardless of gender or sexuality.”

“My abuse from a previous partner was in no way physical… it was all emotional and financial and it affects my current relationship now… I am terrified of annoying my partner by doing or choosing the wrong thing, even though this relationship is amazing I can’t help second guessing.”

“My partner told me ‘no-one else sees you as a woman, I **** you like a woman, so be happy for what you have got”

“When I was transitioning my partner told me that if I sought help for the emotional abuse I was experiencing in my relationship, that my gender identity would not be believed and would be undermined.”

“My abuser always presented themselves as the white knight, who claimed to be sticking up for me, but always passed on what other people said..’my sister says you aren’t trans”

“I have recently had to report hate crime to South Yorkshire Police – They just don’t seem interested. I’ve struggled to get them to take me seriously or do anything. Why would I expect anything different if I reported anything else – like domestic abuse.”

“My abusive partner went to all my support meetings with me, and presented as if they were really supportive …. But the private persona was different… toxic.”

“I had a very violent partner, he used to drink a lot and take my money. He used to terrify me – I was too scared to split up. I rang the Police once and he came and just looked at me and said why did you ring? I do know of friends who had a more positive experience.”

“I wouldn’t ring a domestic abuse service because I have a male sounding voice. I think services should always ask your pronoun”

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